Dear Dreammaker,
I love your show! I just wanted to let you know that I have a dream too! You see Richard, I dream of having one million dollars in small unmarked bills, and I want it in a brown paper bag by the mailbox on 8th and Ocean. Come alone! And don't bring no tails!
Thanks so very much, I can't describe what this means to me.
Love Always,
Police Chief Wiggim
Police Chief Wiggim,
Boy, do I wish I had money to spare to grant you such an extravagant wish. Unfortunately for you, I don't. I can, however, start you towards your dream. Enclosed is a check for $2.50. Please don't spend it all in one place.
~~Ed.
Dear Santa,
This year my list is short and sweet. There are just a few things that I'm
dying to put my mouth on, then lie on the ground and urinate while making
"snow-angels" in the puddles. I only want black lipstick and black
nailpolish, a lil' miss princess beauty kit, black pantyhose, thigh-high
boots, false breasts, and a blow-up doll.
Many thanks,
Marilyn Manson
Marylin,
I think you got the CHAOStm and North Pole addresses mixed up. Here is the correct one for Santa:
Sinter Claus
P.O. Box 456
North Pole, Canada
I really hope that helps and good luck on all those wonderful gifts!
~~Ed.
Ed,
Will you take care of her? She's drunk.
-Your sitter,
Shirley
Dear Shirley,
I specifically requested that you not take my daughter Trick-or-Treating at the local bars. What do I pay you for, anyway? AH! Now look! I've got a new stain on my brand new carpet to clean! This is coming out of your pay. See you next Saturday.
