The following was taken from the recent court case: Mr. Jones vs. Dr. Whright:
(Begin transcript)
Ahem. Thank you, your honor. In the recent incident involving Mr. Jones and his local Doctor, I call forth this transcript that proves Mr. Jones was not at all himself at the time of injury to Dr. Whright; and is in no way responsible for the damages upon the Doctor's person. I call exhibit A:
Jones: "All I wanted to do was pick up my Spork!!! Honest!!!"
Whright: Ok, son, calm down. No one is here to take it from you...
Jones: But I like chicken!!!!!! CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!
Jones: No, wait... red meat!!!!! RED MEAT!!!!!!!
Whright: Ok son, we'll get you off the tofu in no time, just relaaaaax....
Jones: CHICKEN!!!! RED MEAT!!!!! QUACK!!!!!
Whright: Son, we're going to put this nice, long sleeved, white shirt on you until
you feel better... It will be fun, so could you please.... not....struggle.....
Jones: Rrf..... mtmtmkljrjfffff.... no!!!! MEAT!!!!!!!
Whright: Nurse! bring me buffalo wings! NOW!
Whright: And a rack of lamb
Jones: Mmm.... buffalo wings.... lamb... rack? breasts? score...
Whright: Get your hands off the Nur-- OUCH! My Left N-
Thank you, counsel.
Sorry your honor. As you can see, Mr. Jones was incoherent at the time of impact with Doctor Whright's "Jewels". He suffered from a condition called Meatyrism, or "The Vegan's Nightmare". This condition is induced by long stints of Veganism when the subject becomes a Vegan for reasons of appealing to the opposite sex. Mr. Jones was not himself at the time, and once again, it is the fault of a woman. I rest my case.
Thank you counsel. Mr. Jones is acquitted of all charges. Dr. Whright, get your own Medical attention. Pay your own bill God damn it.
(End Transcript)
If you or someone you know suffers from Meatyrism, please, by all that is good and pure, get help. Call this number for immediate attention:
