it's six o'clock
she'll be here soon
i have to shit, shower and shave
ding-dong, crap-no time for that!
the doorbell rang
and now i must be brave.

i opened the door,
and there she was-
surely a site to see.
sadly there's no time for greetings
pull her in and sit her down
i really have to pee!

boy that feels good,
what a big relief
thank god i wasn't too late.
i'll shake my boy
and wash my hands
Geez! I forgot about my date!

I ran out to the living room
and 'cause i forgot to lift my pants,
i fell on my behind.
i faced my date
and she just grinned.
I think she had the wrong idea in mind

she cuffed me
and she beat me
and she pulled me up the stairs
she stripped me down
and creamed me up
then she shaved my pubic hairs

the following morning i awoke;
my body was black and blue.
she strapped me to the bed!
that is the very last
time i use 'rent-a-nun'
-Yeah you heard what i said!

~Jack Johnson